shira

Today I was thinking about sadness, anxiety, anger and hurt… All very strong emotions. It think that it is ingrained in our culture to do anything and everything we can to shirk off what are perceived as negative and detrimental feelings. Yes, long term gripping or looming negative mindsets can cause physical and emotional damage however, I think that it is important to acknowledge the feelings you may have.

For me, when I get into that grey head space and I have time, I allow myself to roll around in those feelings, to get dirty with my negative thoughts… I try to touch and feel, let myself go in the emotions. It is almost like when you crave a type of food… Maybe it is chocolate… If you restrain yourself and “be good” by avoiding the chocolate then in a moment of less self control you find your self gorging on a double fist of kit kat, Rolo, Twix and Milky Way all at once.

My thought is that if you give yourself a limit, like 3 hours of mental cloudy skies and a good cry or one bag of twizzlers then cap it off, you allow yourself to honor what you are feeling within reason and then move forward.

Maybe my analogy using junk food isn’t a good one but, I am hugely preggers right now and sweet sugary goodness is about all I can think about :0)

Hello Lovelies,

I have taken a break from blogging for the last while… The lil’ babe inside of me had been capturing a lot of my attention and energy lately. Lucas and I also have been hard at work getting some additional features ready to rock on the www.choosingjoy.com beta site. By the end of this week you will be able to more easily share in each others experiences, ask questions and be a part of the answers…. Yes, that’s right…Forums are coming. In addition, for all you fantabulous bloggers and vloggers we are now able to syndicate your blog to the Choosing Joy universe! Sharing your stories, musings, trials and triumphs is not only unbelievable therapeutic but can inspire others in the community to do the same and gives them the oppertunity to realize that there our others out there walking similar paths.

Come check out the site, sign up and become part of the Choosing Joy environment and let us know what you think!

www.choosingjoy.com

With Joy,

Shira

This past week Lucas had his second surgery under general in the last two months. Last month he had work done on the veins in his legs and this past week he had shoulder repair surgery on his rotator cuff, got torn tendons mended and fixed some bursitis. Both surgeries we not life threatening they were injury and age related and probably could be described as minor.

It was the first time since Mom’s passing that someone so close to me was back in a challenged position. If I am being honest with myself and those who are reading this blog then, I would have to admit that it was really scary.

Getting Lucas home from the surgery was the easy part, seeing his level of pain on his face and hearing it in his voice and not being able to do much to help was excruciating. He was breaking though his meds - not able to sleep, not wanting to eat and very, very exhausted.

A few days after the surgery he was in the tub and we were removing the surgical bandages. I gently washed them down and as I was going through the motions it was as if as huge wave of memories came surging back. In my mind I was kneeling down next to the tub with animal wash mittens on my hands washing Mom’s back. I remember the sounds of the water, the smell of the soap, the curve in her spine as she folded over awaiting a good soapy scrub…. My mind was right back there but my reality was almost four years ahead of those memories. I felts a swell of emotion in my throat as water works came down my face. Lucas looked at me with concern but I had few words at the time.

Later that day I noticed that I was all over him - checking to see if he had taken his meds, asking about pain levels, pushing food and generally scurrying around. I soon realized that my carer switched that had been off for several years was unknowingly and suddenly switched back on. In thinking about it further I believe that once you have developed this switch, this carer characteristic, it is with you for life. Having it can be a blessing, but it is vital to be able to control it and know how to turn it off.

Lucas was in for surgery for an injury, one that with time will completely repair itself… It is not chronic, it is not an emergent situation or something to cause great emotional upheaval…. It is just a part of life. He will be fine - I need to learn how to chill.

I love Monday mornings when I can get up early, with a piping hot cup of coffee, sit in a sunlit room and spend some time reflecting on the previous week.

Last week was a big one for me personally, I gave my first talk discussing my journey caring for Mom, how we chose joy and the resulting project - www.choosingjoy.com . In the days leading up to the speech I jotted down the three year timeline where Mom’s health was seriously challenged and then filled in the outline with hilarious, hard and heartening stories. My honesty was that I hadn’t shared my story in this sort of forum before and had no idea what to expect.

Each time I read through the speech I continually broke down into tears, tears of joy, tears of sadness and tears of hormones! I thought to myself, how am I gonna get through this lecture if I am in this state. I was also concerned about the content. Mom’s and my experience was not typical. Given her character, silly bone and general outlook was fairly eccentric, I wasn’t sure how others would relate. My hope was that people would interpret it as they wished and simply saw it as a different perspective on managing a rough situation.

The morning of the lecture was a huge race against the clock. We had received a call from the printers that our book The Living Index was coming off the presses and we could swing by to pick up a copy on the way to the speaking engagement. We hustled across town grabbed the book and got to our destination with minutes to spare. I was greeted at the seniors centre by smiling faces and immediately felt welcomed and calm.

I had the pleasure to talk for about 45 minutes and then afterwards had a question and answer session. The session turned into a round table sharing circle where unbelievably inspiring men and women opened up and disclosed the most brilliant stories of caring both in a professional environment and to their nearest and dearest. Listening to these remarkable people peel off their layers and bravely express their truths was one of the most fulfilling experiences I have had in a very long time. I realized that in a small way by sharing with my story with others I may of helped others find the courage to share theirs.

I look forward to other opportunities like the one that I had last week at the South Surrey Seniors Centre… to feel connected to other, to be inspired by their truths and triumph and to meet others that - recognize the uplift, motivating triumph in being alive!

I have lived a blessed life in so many ways. Even the most heartbreaking moments that I have been a part of have in one way or another turned into positive experiences. Such was the case with my Mom and her diagnosis of metastatic melanoma.

I was for the most part not alone in my experiences with Mom, having come from a tightly knit family, I found security in their continual presence during the most challenging times. In particular, my Aunt and Uncle who had become much like a second set of parents to me were a constant as was my dear husband Lucas.

My Aunt and Uncle would take trips down to Los Angeles during almost every one of my Mom’s biochemo regimens. My Aunt would share the day with my Mom and I would share the afternoons and evenings until the early mornings. My Uncle would champion my Mom’s needs by dealing with the business of her health care. Their presence gave me security at such an insecure and unbalanced time. Their commitment to Mom’s care and my wellbeing was more than I would of ever expected… I am so grateful for their unrelenting support.

My husband… What a gem… We were on our way to “making it” for ourselves out in Montreal, nothing was going to stop us… For the first time in our lives, we did not need to be held accountable to anyone but ourselves. When the news came, there was no need for long drawn discussions, no negotiating…. Lucas knew instinctively that home is where we needed to be. I left four months before he, I flew back… we packed up our car, drove across the country and never looked back.

Lucas proposed marriage to me on the final leg of our journey home. We were married a week before another reoccurance of my Mothers’ cancer which a short time after sent us to the US for treatment. Whether in spirit or in person, my husband was always there. He gave up his hot job, his new friends, his East Coast IT boom perks for my love…. He loved me for me…For my emotional roller coasters, anxieties, raw exhaustion and so much more. For that, and so many other things I am so very grateful.

Illness revealed the true depth of the love that I share with my family and they share with me. I am so very blessed to have my Aunt, Uncle and all relations in my life.

Crazy, Sex, Cancer….. What can I say beside “You rock Kris Carr!”… Actually I can say a heck of a lot more,,,,

For those of you who don’t know what I am all jazzed about, Kris Carr and her infectious, bubblicious attitude on living FULLY with health challenges is rocking my world.

Kris is an filmmaker, writer and actor who made the ballsy decision to document her journey on film. From diagnosis (of a type of cancer that I can’t even pretend to annunciate or spell) to spiritual quest for answers to ‘healing-junkie’ status as she searched for ways to healing her mind and body, Kris shares her story of love and moving forward as a Crazy, Sexy Cancer survivor. Watching her documentary was not a voyeuristic glimpse into someone’s pain, but rather a story of wit, honesty, passion and determination – inspiring to not only the cancer community but to people in any state of health anywhere.

Kris inspires a pro-active approach to health and live, motivating others to move forward authentically and search within to achieve more… whatever ‘more’ means to for each of us.

I encourage you to check out Kris’s website www.crazysexycancer.com , read her blog, and go to TLC and bang on their virtual doors to get them to re-air this exceptional film (contact their Viewer Relations department at: (859) 342-8439, or on the web at: http://extweb.discovery.com/viewerrelations). Kris also has a book called “Crazy, Sexy Cancer Tips” you should check out (available from Amazon and others). She will be touring across the US over this next month (unfortunately not in Canada but maybe we’ll get down to meet her)… Her book tour dates are noted on her site.

I cannot express enough how much Kris’ story and mission has inspired me. I know there are millions of other people out there who wish to share their journey too, which is why I believe so strongly in our website - it will give those people the opportunity to do the same – to sound off, speak up, and be heard.

Congrats Kris on all of the well deserved accolades! Your message, movement and story will affect millions. Bravo!
Props and Many Snaps Girl !!!!!!!!!!

Hello fellow cyber friends,

It is with great excitement that I can now announce that www.choosingjoy.com
is live in beta!  Please come on to the site and join me in sharing stories, posting videos and creating community in support of people with health challenges and those that care for them; Together, we can all recognize the uplifting, motivating triumph in being alive.

Looking forward to seeing you on the site!

Hello All,

This week marks the culmination of one journey and the beginning of another brighter and even more exciting adventure…. Our web baby www.choosingjoy.com
is set to soft launch in beta next week!  Lucas, myself and other like minded people have come together to create a special space for people with health challenges and those who care for them to find courage and comfort in  a community of people who have ‘been there.’  The site is truly a place to learn, share, inspire and be inspired.

It has been one of my greatest life efforts and most rewarding experiences. I feel honored (and a little nervous) about putting it online and I am tremendously excited to see it in use.

I invite you to be amongst the first to become founding members of www.choosingjoy.com Please go to our site and register for notification when we go live!

Looking forward to seeing you in our community.

With Joy,

Shira

I have a soft spot for real characters… You know, the ones that are larger than life, almost cartoon like who are either much loved or maligned by the community - So was the case with Tammy Faye Messner.

I remember as a child turning on the TV in the morning on the weekends and just staring at this tiny painted lady. Later as I grew up I saw her and her husband at the time lining the pages of trash and traditional magazines. I am of a different religion than her, from a very different culture and lifestyle but, this woman really captured my attention over the years.

Soon, my fascination with her gigantic eyelashes and lined lips gave way to an interest in her as a triumphant and resilient nature. In life she had many forks in the road and chose a path that was right for her even if it meant much pain and struggle. Reading about her in recent years, I was floored my her courage, I admired her for her faith both in god and humanity and most of all for her positive mental attitude. These characteristic leapt off the screen last Thursday night during an interview on Larry King Live. Despite her painfully emaciated physique her dignity, outlook and humor was robust.

It was evident with each breath that Tammy was in distress, but to be able to have the opportunity to share her thoughts, love and message to her public seemed be paramount.

I watched the interview come to a close and my heart was full for her. I knew the sounds that came with each grasp of air out of her mouth….I knew this would be her last interview; her time was nearing its end.

Tammy Faye Messner passed away on Friday and is now with the angels. I felt privileged to listen to her one last time. I believe that her spirit and strength will inspire others who are either in her position of have an interest in living life fully.

Safta had been in the hospital for two weeks surviving on only the most minuet amounts of liquid. Given her age and fragile condition, it was almost impossible to find a vein to run an IV so the doctors gave her a tube to dispense medication and nutrients. Safta lay in her bed in an almost zen state, fully aware of the goings on in the room and the presence of those she loved.

At the end of the third week in the hospital, the news came that her condition had worsened, there was nothing more medically that could be done. She children decided that it was time to take Safta home.

Soft wispers, hand holding, prayer and love filled the room where Safta gently went through the motions with such strength and grace. There was no pain, no horror, no anguish…just a peaceful transition.

I looked at her as she lay in her bed, admired her bravery, her longevity and her fight. Each time I saw her, I knew if may be the last time. This was a feeling that I have experienced before… The unsettling knowledge that there is nothing humanly possible to be done and the understanding that each time I was at her side it may be for the last time.

As I went through the motions day after day, I remembered a sage piece of advice that Mom had once given me. She told me that each and every memory could be carefully stored in the albums of my mind if I consciously took pictures with my eyes. I did just that. Each time I saw Safta, my eyes took pictures of her silkened skin, her fine strawberry hair, her tine finger nails, the little rounded bulb at the and her nose, her gently movements…. Those I will never forget and will travel with me wherever I go.

Eleven days after Safta came home, her spirit left and made its journey onward to a sacred place.